Sunday, November 25, 2012

Spelling Gaffes



My family was at my house for Thanksgiving where we all ate an inconceivable amount of food. Eventually, the females—except for my mother—all went off to watch Twilight movies, and since I have no interest in sparkling vampires and sexy men, I sat on my couch and started looking for fun posts for my author page. I was looking for grammar and spelling gaffes or grammar Nazi references and found myself chortling (a word I’ve wanted to use for a long time) at what I was reading. I’m sure my parents found my behavior strange, but I actually am good at grammar and spelling because of them. They were both school teachers who emphasized a good education, and I ended up following in their footsteps and became an English teacher which led to becoming an author and the all-important role as a blogger. It just so happens that my ability to laugh at a good grammar joke is something for which I’m proud (unless I snort or shoot snot out of my nose).

Well, I found this poster about there, their, and they’re that I put up on my author page, and I just couldn’t stop laughing about it. 

It got me thinking about spelling errors from my eighth grade students and things I’ve seen on facebook, and I even did a little research to come up with my newest blog. What you will see are some exceptional spelling gaffes, as well as some occasionally sarcastic comments about them (okay, I admit it—I made sarcastic comments for all of them). If you don’t laugh at some of these, you need to watch fewer Twilightish movies and visit The Red Pen more often (hint, hint).

1.       “In the movie, Harold looses a thumb in a work accident.” (Luckily, it only became loose because losing it completely would have been a tragedy. It’s loses.)
2.       “It was nice to meat you.” (I can’t get the picture out of my head of this person happily slapping his new acquaintance with a pork chop. It’s meet.)
3.       “I’m eating flaming young.” (This sounds cannibalistic, immoral, and dangerous to me. It’s filet mignon.)
4.       “Wow, I’m hot. I can’t go through mini pulse at nineteen, can I?”  (I’ve heard a person can have a mini pulse if they’re nearly dead or suffering from hypothermia—but then the person certainly wouldn’t be hot—so since she’s not old enough to be going through a life change, she should call 911 because she’s nearly dead. It’s menopause.)
5.       “Do you think sex can be good without an organism?” (This is truly a profound question, since an organism is a “contiguous living system” such as an animal might have. I think my wife qualifies as an organism, so the answer for me is no. It’s orgasm.)
6.       “He’s my altar eagle.”  (Our national bird is going to be sacrificed in a religious ceremony? It’s alter ego.)
7.       “I have a torn rotary cup.” (If the Rotary Club was missing a cup and you found it in your shoulder, you would definitely need surgery. It’s rotator cuff.)
8.       “She has old timer’s disease.” (This is very non-specific and prejudicial…getting old isn’t a disease; it’s just an unfortunate experience. It’s Alzheimer’s disease.)
9.       “Your dairy air looks rather attractive from my point of view.” (I think this is supposed to be a weird compliment, but I’ve lived near a dairy farm and dairy air smells like manure. Isn’t that ironic? It’s derriere.)
10.   “They said their was no dairy in the yogurt, but I’m certain their was, and I’m lack toe tolerant.” (Forget about the misspelling of “there”—two times—because we all know 50% of the population can’t spell that word. My sincere question is what does dairy have to do with the person’s tolerance of people with missing toes? It’s lactose intolerant.)
11.   “After all the candy I ate, I think I could die of beeties.” (Beeties isn’t even a word—which makes it very difficult to make even a semi-humorous comment—but regardless, I’m certain candy doesn’t lead to death by beeties. It’s diabetes.)
12.   “Obama is the apidimi of what a black man is suppose to be.” (Okay, it’s supposed to be “supposed to,” and the only reason I’m focusing on that is because “apidimi” is spelled so poorly that I can’t even think of how to spell it. My spell check for that remarkable letter arrangement says “epidemic,” so I’m beginning to think bad spelling is an epidemic. It’s epitome.)
13.   “Ladies, do you prefer natural birth or sea sexion?” (That’s definitely a cool, erotic way to spell “section,” but the real question remains—do you prefer natural birth or an unnatural one at sea? It’s C-section.)
14.   “All I could see was his sallow wet.” (Sallow is an adjective meaning unhealthy yellowish color…so I guess “wet” is a noun in this sentence, so the “wet” is a yucky yellow…like from a Mountain Dew spill? It’s silhouette.)
15.   “The valid victorian at my school was pretty much a pot head.”  (Was this stoner smart, or was he really a suitable Victorian? It’s valedictorian.)
16.   “I’m not Willy Wonka. I don’t sugar code things.” (I have watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory because there are no vampires, but apparently Willy was doing a lot of things in secret that I never noticed, including encoding messages in his sweet things. Hmmm. It’s sugar coat.)
17.   “I need a shofar.” (You need a dictionary. It’s chauffeur.)
18.   “Just because I’m white doesn’t mean I can’t have corn roads in my hair, right?” (I think people of all colors should be allowed to have corn roads, wheat streets, and sugar cane lanes. What’s wrong with that? It’s cornrows.)
19.   “Even if I have to wait a year, I’d feel I made it as an aurthur if Oprah read my book.” (Getting Oprah to read your book would definitely be worth waiting a whole year, but what’s an aurthur? It’s author.)
20.   “We just need to teach are children reading, writing, and arithatic.” (And spelling…and the difference between linking verbs and possessive pronouns. It’s our and arithmetic.)
21.   “I’m experienced in all faucets of accounting.” (His favorite is probably the trickle-down effect. It’s facets.)
22.   “I just took it for granite.” (Do people often need granite? Do they sometimes misidentify things as granite? It’s granted.)

If you chortled a couple of times because of my latest blog entry, feel free to join the site, leave a comment, or check out my aurthur page on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/authorJeffLaFerney?ref=hl. I hope you had as much food, family, and fun this Thanksgiving holiday as I did.  :)